Uncoordinated.

Softball tournament, blackout, ambulance ride, worried family, awesome friends, CT scan, helicopter ride, barfing, ER, more CT scans, intensive care, IV's, liquid diet, anti-seizure meds, no balance, loss of immediate memory, sore head.

My weekend didn't go as planned.

Yikes.

Brain injuries aren't very fun.

Consistent.

Unrooted.

I think I may have a problem.

I've only been home for a little under 2 weeks & I'm already planning my next big adventure.

Going abroad this time.

I've wanted to travel to Europe ever since I saw Roman Holiday as a kid.

Well to get to the point; I've got my sights set on the University of St. Andrews in Scotland for fall semester 2012.

How awesome is that?!

Through my experience in California I definitely gained the confidence to travel and be on my own far from home.

It was harder than I thought it would be.

It's sort of silly to think about having confidence in something like traveling but it is a really scary thing to do especially alone.

But I'm not scared anymore.

It is a kind of need that I have now.

An addiction.

I need to see things and be in different places.

I will always consider the midwest my home, but I've just got to see all that this planet holds

& if not now...when?

Bittersweet.

This is it.

My very last day in California,

& this pretty much sums up the mindset I'm leaving with:

I am forever changed because of this experience.

The good kind of changed.

My departure time is 11:50 pm and soon after I will be where I came from,

& surrounded by the people I love.

There are not words to explain how excited I am.

Thanks for being so nice to me California.

Rapturous.

"She was a girl who knew how to be happy, even when she was sad. And that's important—you know?"

-Marilyn Monroe

I am really happy with me.

It's sort of a silly thing to say out loud & probably not the most eloquent way to put it.

But I figured since it is something I've wanted for a long time, it's worth saying.

So I'm going to say it & I'm going to keep it.

Truant.

Oh boy, I've really been bad about blogging lately.

What's the matter with me?!

Here's a list to catch you up on the recent happenings in my life:

-Today was my last day of classes at CSUN.

-I'm really, really, really excited to move back to Minnesota.

[ONLY ONE MORE WEEK!]

-Once I'm home, I'm getting my hair cut like this.

[Something that I'm also really, really excited about.]

-& I've got a bunch of studying to do before then.

Hmmm, sadly that's pretty much it.

Let's hope things liven up around here once summer graces me with its presence.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Skyrocketing.

I love this.

[I'm going away. I'm going my way.]

Lackluster.

My apologies for the dull posts lately.

I'm just ready to be home & I don't know what else to say.

Craving.

Home, best friends, corn on the cob, long weekends, bonfires, hugs, photo shoots, weddings, bare feet, flowers, Alaska, birthday, French, hair cuts, motorcycle rides, books, grills, puppy & thunderstorms.

+

I've got summer in the midwest on my mind.

Vivacious.

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive & go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

-Howard Thurman

Open.

Do you ever find songs that say exactly what you are feeling when you can't find the words to say them yourself?

Or songs that seem to describe you at that exact moment in time when you didn't think it was possible?

What about those lyrics that manage to jump out & change the way you look at things?

Do you get what I'm saying?

Anyways, if you care to know, this little tune is a good representation of me right now.

{& if not... just enjoy the music}

Agog.

Dear Jack,

I love the way your voice randomly appears & effortlessly speaks to my soul.

Thank you.

Soft.

Isn't this the most precious photo in the world?

Looking at it about brings me to tears.

As a few of you know,

I've pretty much always been turned off to the idea of having babies.

The whole process freaks me out.

Entirely.

My plan was to be the cool Aunt to my brothers' & sister's children

(& that was it)

But after seeing this picture I have been thinking about it

(although pregnancy still freaks me out)

& I find the end result will be quite rewarding.

+

Now, just to be clear, this whole motherhood scene I envision for myself will not be happening for a very, very, VERY long time.

I have to conquer the world first.

Sanguine.

*

Unlucky.

My car broke down tonight.

On highway 35.

Just outside Minneapolis.

There was a big clunk, & then I couldn't steer

or accelerate.

The heat went out too.

Just barely got off the freeway, and I was praying for a miracle.

Too bad I forgot that miracles don't happen to people with bad luck.

People like me.

Blue & red in my rearview mirror.

The cop one-knuckle knocked on my window

& was startled when I opened my door.

My windows don't roll down.

He asked me what was going on, so I told the situation.

He seemed puzzled and asked some more ridiculous questions

(For example: Did you know you're not supposed to park here?)

But he was nice enough to call a tow truck.

The rest of the journey went smoothly, after I had a good cry.

I've been pretty fortunate lately so I should have known my time was coming.

At least dinner was great.

Enlightened.

"You know when somebody gets a new car and they're so worried about that first scratch but after that everything's fine? Well, everything to me in life is like the second scratch."

-Garrett Hedlund

Repetitive.

I don't understand it,

I thought I always would.

& I know that I need it.

[I feel I may have posted this song before. I'm not completely sure, so I am going to apologize just incase. Sorry.]

Oxymoronic.

Isn't it strange how your thoughts sound when you say them out loud?

Tonight I made perfect sense of the crazy things going around in my brain. I just had to say them out loud to someone who would listen.

[Thanks Fogarty]

I have come to the realization that I have never been more confused about my life than I am right now.

I have always prided myself as being this put together person who knew exactly what she wanted out of life. I can't ever remember having any serious doubts or confusion.

Now that is all I am filled with...

Doubts and confusion.

But do you want to know something funny?

I am happiest I have ever been.

That is the one of the few things I am not doubting.

I am happy.

I am content in this state of utter chaos and I find that there is something so beautiful about that.

I don't know what my life is, and I am in love with everything about it.

Absolute.

"You are going to be absolutely fine."

-H.H.

Yes I am.

I just needed someone else to tell me.

Thank you.

Ugh...

I wish my hair would grow

I wish I wasn't so easily captivated

I wish I had a dog

I wish his face wasn't blank in my dreams

I wish I knew what I wanted

I wish I wasn't so far away

I wish my macbook wasn't cracked

I wish I had some answers

I wish the sun would stop stalking me

I wish someone would write me a song

I wish it was Decemeber 16th

I wish I would stop pretending I am happy being alone

I wish I liked vegetables more

I wish you won't read this as a sad post

I have an incredibly blessed life & I am grateful

I just wish I could sleep.